feel certain

It is a soft and delicate moment, that first light!

Erasing the dark of night into daylight. that promise fulfilled

Whether bright and blinding or

only a tiny brightness peeking out of the scene.

The sooner in the day it is seem

The more certain you can be of what it truly is

No confederates to spoil the effect.

But no matter when you verify it,

It is true joy, the light of a new day.

reply to sender

I too find myself dealing with unmet expectations all the time. This is often via my children but occasionally my spouse. I hate that the burden is always on me to make my expectations known, but I have to admit it does make life easier. If I want them to be at an event I have to make an announcement…sigh. Christmas Mass comes to mind….

And I am also comforted by the Sparrow song, I remember that I am going to feel alone often in this world because of this ongoing scenario of broken relationships; but I am not alone ever Christ is there But the burden is on me to see this. That is perhaps the grander message. Thank you friend.

What a friend we have in Jesus.

I am amazed and often confounded at how simple it is to take 2 seconds and tell Him what I am feeling. I feel all alone, overwhelmed, like I might cry. that I have no drive or no energy.  That I want to do one good thing today, that I don't want to argue or disappoint those I love.  Most amazing is I share this from the bottom of a mucky pond lying on my back, barely able to see the sky. The request  these days isn't a sub text in the mayhem; but my voice to the universe.

Realize, God doesn't hold back...

Surrender outside of faith masquerades as a humble first act followed by a humiliating finale; In Faith I allow myself to fathom that God is crazy in love with me than surrender seems like the only thing that can make sense. I do not believe that the God who created us out of love could hold back anything good from us even if he wanted to. He loves us and puts all good things for us to see and experience. He also sits with us , walks with us, cries with us, and rests with us when life deals us a fair or unfair consequence.

Lord you have searched me and you know me, you know when I sit and when I stand, you know when I am going to speak and what I am going to say; even if I run from you and hide you are with me.

Forgetting you are loved is one level of loneliness, not believing you are loved is unbearable. We all simply need to be reminded, and need to pay attention to His reminders in the beauty of creation the changing seasons and the lives of everyone around us.

original blogged 4-5-12

turn all to God?

Why did God curse Eve with loneliness and heartache, an emptiness that nothing would be able to fill? Wasn't her life going to be hard enough out there in the world, banished from the Garden that was her true home, her only home, never able to return? It seems unkind. Cruel, even.
He did it to save her. For as we all know personally, something in Eve's heart shifted at the fall. Something sent its roots down deep into her soul - and ours - that mistrust of God's heart, that resolution to find life on our own terms. So God has to thwart her. In love, he has to block her attempts until, wounded and aching; she turns to him and him alone for her rescue.
Therefore I will block her path with thorn bushes;
I will wall her in so she cannot find her way.
She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;
she will look for them but not find them.
Hosea 2:6-7
Jesus has to thwart us too - thwart our self-redemptive plans, our controlling and our hiding, thwart the ways we are seeking to fill the ache within us. Otherwise, we would never fully turn to him for our rescue. Oh, we might turn to him for our "salvation," for a ticket to heaven when we die. We might turn to him even in the form of Christian service, regular church attendance, a moral life. But inside, our heart remains broken and captive and far from the One who can help us.
And so you will see the gentle, firm hand of God in a woman's life hemming her in. Wherever it is we have sought life apart from him, he disrupts our plans, our "way of life" which is not life at all.
(Captivating, 96-97)

Loneliness, Sadness, yes but not necessarily Unhappiness?  Interesting. I wondered about the question why aren't you happy? I can honestly say I am, that's not the issue I have much, I make a point to be grateful for everything good and bad, and this allows me happiness. It doesn't always work to dispel sadness. Joy is back in there but only dimly flickering, It rekindles when Gods work becomes evident.

Trusting God to provide my needs (more than enough) not necessarily my wants, helps undo the sadness and the loneliness.  The loneliness, no one to talk to about these feelings is hard.

choices vs surrender

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."
-Dr. Seuss

I hear that song You've Got The Power playing in my head. The message that screams like a gong against the calling to surrender.

Each morning as I awake I think through the grog in my brain, take this day use it well give all to God. This is not about control, anymore than surrender is about being lazy.
Meet the morning and make a plan. My better days start like this, Pray, eat, exercise, be somewhere I promised I would be, repair something, learn something, improve something question, change, enjoy...these are not lazy attitudes, in the business the surrender is in there too. With my 2 feet and my brain I can make choices I can begin to steer my lifes ship.

understand!

"Paul, known at that time as Saul, was playing the role of Defender of the Faith, when in fact he was a Persecutor of Christ".

I read this today and was struck with a sadness at how often I would or did try to do good, maybe for God, maybe just altruistically, maybe even selfishly; and I can look back on the deed the motivation and the outcome and wonder who's side I was really on?

I read how it is not about what I can do for God or even about what God can do for me, but just about the relationship, For the original human God relationship that is the only thing capable of healing the wound.

I read to Be Thankful in all Things: Thank you God for everything, for this Day you have made, for laughter, for crying, for children, for old people, and yes even for sick and suffering people. For the grass and the weeds, For the sun for the rain the dry cracked land and the wet swamp and even flooding. For freedom and for confinement. for the known and for the unknown....I do not understand all this but maybe someday I will.

The Scriptures say we cannot know all things because they are too terrible, The world says inquiring minds want to know! My experience tells me it isn't good to poke around when I have been told to let it go; after all Lots wife turned to salt. I myself have learned things terrible things, things that changed me, things I wished I could forget?

Isn't there a children's tale that climaxes as the hunting party wakes up a big bear that then chases everyone home through the exact paces, up down over and under , they used to get to the bear. On reflection maybe there is an answer buried there somewhere.


Faith is believing with out seeing and knowing without proof. Thank you God for all things seen and not seen, known and unknown.




Jesus, strengthen me in supporting those in our society who are vulnerable; help me live patiently with my own weaknesses. As I walk in your way, I extend my hands to others so that together we can form a safety net. Amen.

— from Eucharistic Adoration

recognize his works

Why Peter Took a Swim in His Bathrobe

A week or two after the foot washing, following the cross and the empty tomb, Jesus appears on the shore just across from where the boys are fishing. He acts like a guy out for a stroll, asks if they had any luck, suggests they try one more spot, and reproduces the catch that caught them all in the beginning. Watch how Peter responds this time:

The disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. (John 21:7)

Peter is a hundred yards offshore. That’s about three city blocks—a long way to swim, especially in a full-length robe. It would be like trying to swim wrapped in a bedsheet. Peter doesn’t care. He doesn’t wait for the boat, forgets about the fish, and as quick as you can say, “Jack be nimble” he hits the water, swimming, thrashing, gasping for air, then stumbling ashore fast as he can to get to Jesus. Do you think he then drew another line in the sand? “Hello, sir. Mr. Christ, may I approach?” Peter is a passionate, emotional, impulsive guy. He just swam a hundred yards in his bathrobe. I’ll bet dollars to donuts he ran right up to Jesus, sopping wet as laundry from the washer, and hugged him, soaking the risen Lord.
If Peter didn’t do it, you know Jesus did, adding his tears of joy to the wet embrace.
Beautiful. That’s the way to do it, friends. Just begin to make a practice of loving Jesus. Relate to him as you see his friends did in the Gospels.
(Beautiful Outlaw, 170-171)


Once again these reflections so simply put into everyday terms the love that is available if I can just learn to see it. Peter recognized the works of Jesus he was so familiar with the lord that he and John together at once caught the nuance of the message they had been hearing all along from Jesus. . Peter leaped int the water and swam to Jesus while the others brought in the boat. Was one better or more right? The actions are only part of what I must analyze, I must also ask for the grace to recognize the works of the Lord and then return to him with my love and my praise when I do.


Lord I pray you would open my eyes and my heart to see you working in every day life. That I might not be shy in coming to you that very moment and enjoying your presence and your love.