Seize the day

Peter Pan called it the moment between asleep and awake. Scripture says it is between marrow and bone; the times no woman or man can truly see or define where the Spirit of God comes to speak and to teach.

Taking control can be bad or it can be what God asks of me. Floating through my day wondering if God is there isn't how He has asked me to spend the great time He has given me.

It is so easy for me to think those things that pop into my head just before I wake, are nonsense, not what I am suppose to act on. Yet there are times I have discovered those are the deeds that may allow me to sieze the day and start to become who I am fully called to be.

be true to me....

I am pondering this question , "Is there anything in my life that is a lie?"

Now this is hard for me, because I often wake up, shower, get dressed and make the choice to put on a smile, and a positive attitude and I decide to be happy. My son would argue that if I am pretending to be happy I am lying. I will argue back that I am choosing to be happy. He can't appreciate that I had a huge revelation in the midst of a crisis in my mid 30's; that I can choose to be a grouch , a pessimist or someone who finds fault...or I can choose to smile, be pleasant and see the good in people. I accept that I can choose among these and that it is a choice.

My good day start with being grateful for a new day, not that I am a champion in accomplishing this; but scripture truth often visits the back side of my soul and nudges me toward that which will heal. On those days when I participate in the nudging and thank God for everything even the bad stuff, mean people or the anxiety of moments, I am blessed and lucky because change then starts to happen.

So back to my pondering "is there any part of my life that is a lie?" I suppose there is, simply because I am human, and therefore imperfect. Do I find the lies on my own ? Do I try to correct them or just live with them? May I ask for help? I am choosing at least at this time to ask the Lord's guidance and protection as I move through this search.

I can say I have learned things about my self since the move to town from the lake area. I no longer worry over style and every single piece of my "outfit". ( was I lying to myself before that thinking how I dressed mattered as to how I felt?)

In my new retired life, I have to watch my spending: this means I can't go hang out with friends and sip on 4.00 cups of coffee everyday or even once a week, unless the occasion is special. No more stopping off for a salad ( brown bagging it these days..) No more indiscriminant buying that really cute item. My new life is lists and planning and watching the budget. This is hard for me to learn a new, better habit and not come across as a scrooge. I'm working on it. But is it embedded in a lie.

Now there are 2 adult children living with us. Now that might be one to ponder....

move on

OK so I got this thing going on, I called people, met with people,. I thought I was helping! I was communicating! Just as things were wrapping up or so I thought, 2 people met and made a decision. So now I get to scrap everything.... SHIT happens right? I have e-expressed my thoughts regarding the sudden rug dislocation. Then I read this ...

Griping that, "This is wrong!" means "I could do this better!" Or it can mean, "Don't they know I deserve better?" The complainer feels slighted by what has transpired because he or she wishes to be seen as superior.People comfortable with who they are, don't need to gripe about others to make themselves feel or appear superior.

OOOO KAY! SO things have changed and I am obviously not in charge.....

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Move on girl! aren't you busy enough with out making more work for yourself.

stop squirming

I feel like I spend a good deal of my conscious time, what ever it is I am doing, I am relying on God to be there for me, to guide me in decisions, to put His hand over my mouth if need be, so I don't say anything in appropriate.

I forget allot, that's why I apologize allot; and sometimes I just squirm, because I don't want to do what I have been told to do. So how to get over the squirms and walk headlong with out fear into that event or conversation, The one I do not want to go to? I have to rely on God.

I just read this quote from Tammy Evevard : "Long before any other words were spoken to us, “You are mine” was spoken to the depths of our hearts. And this is why we pray—to hear that voice again"— from Becoming the Woman God Made You to Be

So in addition to prayer she also advocates keeping tabs on all the times God has been there. When or where He answered my longing guided my behavior. These are the things that keep us going and believing and remembering, bringing us strength through reminders, so I continue to rely, and stop squirming.

love the boat

David's dream is to cruise around the world n his own boat. He has been collecting information, designing, and he is now deep into the building of this boat. appropriately named "Full Circle" He wants me to go along; SO I am planning to do this. He knows every inch of this boat every screw every turn how much room is on both sides of a wall. I know the names of the rooms. At first it was on paper I couldn't really get a feel so he would cut shapes out of paper and measure things on the floor so I could see them. Now there "is" a boat, almost in the water and I see the actual.

It is small, not luxurious but nice; but I have had input on color selection and I feel a little like I might be able to hang out aboard. In allot of ways it is like a really small second house and in other ways it is like moving into my closet and calling it my house.

That is my dealing with it on land inside an old airplane hanger where it is being built. I have no idea how I will look at it, or like it, when it is bobbing me around on the water.

count the change

Growing up in Central Florida I walked allot, I wore everyday shoes that are now way over priced, we called them flip flops...and tried to be honest and responsible. My Dad showed me how to write my first check, how to make change and how to count my change. He said always do it before you leave. These days it seems no one counts their change.

Then there is change that needs to be counted carefully and in due time, the change that makes a difference and the change that is just different.

Just this morning I was challenged to stop doing the same thing over and over and expect different results. This is by definition "insanity"

As I reflect I can make myself crazy by worrying over changes that don't really matter.

When my insurance claim process changed I thought it was wrong and not going to work , then a wise friend said it isn't wrong it is just different. When I bought a new dishwasher with the silverware holder on the door I was delighted with this change but my family was not. I was quick to point out it wasn't wrong just different.

Change is about looking at what can be different as a result of an occurrence, staying sane is the tricky part, because I want to avoid any change that scares me or makes me nervous. How will I look at the change or the potential for change and have the courage to make the necessary adjustments.

stop looking for excuses

And His disciples asked Him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?"

In the book of John Chapter 9 and again in Matthew reference is made to sin being punished by physical affliction in life.

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

So many times I am drawn into a discussion about worthiness. Who deserves sympathy or help, to have a bill paid or to be fed, arguing over food, imagine that.... In Jesus time they argued over the right/wrong day to help. "never on the Sabbath" or who was clean enough to help.

My former boss and mentor told me many times over, 1/3 of those in need will never get out because they are incapable; maybe in illness or incapacitation, we must help them, 1/3 of those in need got there through unfortunate circumstances, maybe their own fault maybe not, and they will make their way out...we are called to help them. 1/3 of those in need are working the system, shame on them, but since we don't have a crystal ball we help them too and offer our inadequacy up to God.....

Was this blaming the blind man for his plight not just an excuse to refuse him help, or empathy? Is mankind not drowning itself by constantly complaining about carrying the burden of others sins of blaming rather than fixing the problem...?

We are called to the kingdom of God, are we not, by being of service to each other.