Write to mom?

Somewhere I read it is important to write everyday, even if it is just a letter.
Then that made me think about how many times I would have called mom, this past year, but can't. I miss that.
So I decided to write my call. Can you do that?
I would say "Hi mom, It's me, Cindy, how are you doing." and after she answered I would tell her what I am doing, That "I walked into town again today and bought some mailing envelopes to send some stuff to the kids." Then I would say, that "what I am sending doesn't even cost as much as the postage will to send it. But I will send it anyway because I need to."  (The voice of my dad saying it is a waste of money will be so far in the distance I will barely notice it.)

I would tell her about how "Layla was sick all last Saturday and had to go to the hospital finally and how my cell phone was right next to my pillow so I could get every update."  Sunday I was in a daze all day.

Would I tell her we washed clothes all day Sunday. nah boring! right.
The Gospel at Mass was the multiplication of Loaves and Fishes, I would tell her that and she would share some thought, That Gospel is one of my favorites. Still it so amazes me that there were 12 baskets left over...

I'd say "I got up the courage to go introduce my self to the pastor, not sure he noticed, ah well."

I would tell her " Kate, my best friend since 5th grade found out her oldest son is going to Afghanistan in January and is getting married before he goes. The wedding will be a quickie at the courthouse with his brother and sister in law as witnesses. A big reception type celebration is planned when he returns. We all have that date to put on our calendars. I think who knows where I will be in a year?" I would retell her their names who was older, who was younger....and we'd chat about my friend Kate for awhile...

Then there would be a boat update, or would there. I don't think I ever really told mom much about the boat. I just figured it would be too hard to help her through all the understandings of why David wants to build one and go out on the ocean. Heck I don't even know if I thought it would happen until he retired about a year ago.

I would tell her "I had to go now, and that I loved her sooo much".

When the call was over I would feel good I had reached out and connected. hmmmm was it connecting or just selfishness?  I rejoice in knowing that somehow in spite of my failings God would turn this to good.

Amen!

fill my days

How do I say I am lonely? Maybe it comes out in how many emails I send or clicks to share on FB. I manage ok! I walk, I read, I try to have things to do. WHAT did I do back in Austin, I had friends to call and activities dogs to walk and my grand children; there was a lot going on and there was always my volunteer work if I needed to feel needed and wanted I had only to drop in to the Thrift Shop.

Now I am almost back in newly wed land. Just my Husband and he is so deeply involved in overseeing the boat build, I walk the Astoria streets and wonder what God has in store. Am I in the right place and at the right time as he wants me to be?

respond to brilliant moments

We are not made for brilliant moments, but we have to walk in the light of them in ordinary ways. O Chambers July 16 reflection


I suddenly think of small children waiting to play soccer on the side of the field, jumping around wanting to play but not having a clue....I think maybe God might see me this way most of the time. I am bugging God or wishing that he might allow me to go save the team and when he turns to call on me I am picking burrs out of my socks....

I am never sure if I am lifting or being lifted!
In reflecting back on my life, I know the value of the influence and involvement of others!

wake up for the journey

I get this daily reflection sent to my email, So beautiful this one. The message I see is that Gods heart full of love is so big even heaven can't define it completely

Life on the road takes us into our heart, for only when we are present in the deep sentences can God speak to them. That's why the Story is a journey; it has to be lived, it cannot simply be talked about. When we face trials, our most common reaction is to ask God, "Why won't you relieve us?" And when he doesn't, we resignedly ask, "What do you want me to do?" Now we have a new question: "Where is the Romance headed?"

There is another great "revealing" in our life on the road. We run our race, we travel our journey, in the words of Hebrews, before "a great cloud of witnesses" (12:1). When we face a decision to fall back or press on, the whole universe holds its breath- angels, demons, our friends and foes, and the Trinity itself- watching with bated breath to see what we will do. We are still in the drama of Act III and the heart of God is still on trial. The question that lingers from the fall of Satan and the fall of man remains: Will anyone trust the great heart of the Father, or will we shrink back in faithless fear?

As we grow into the love of God and the freedom of our own hearts, we grow in our ability to cast our vote on behalf of God. Our acts of love and sacrifice, the little decisions to leave our false loves behind, and the great struggles of our heart reveal to the world our true identity: We really are the sons and daughters of God.(The Sacred Romance , 154-55)

OH MY we really are!

say it ?

I was about to say I have been pondering my motherhood ... Not wondering if I did a good job because I bowed out of that contest many years ago; but wondering what it is that might be "right" in any style of parenting. Most of us want a schedule but most babies just want their mom or dad to be there when they need them, is that the natural order? I seem to want a small schedule and if it serves me it becomes my pattern and helps me have a rhythm. If I was going to encourage a new mom today I would suggest they set up a pattern and find a rhythm that fits with their child's needs.

I want now to connect this pondering to God in my prayers...

The Lord is faithful in all his words,
and gracious in all his deeds.^*
14 The Lord upholds all who are falling,
and raises up all who are bowed down.
¹⁵ The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food in due season.
¹⁶ You open your hand,
satisfying the desire of every living thing.
¹⁷ The Lord is just in all his ways,
and kind in all his doings.
¹⁸ The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
¹⁹ He fulfills the desire of all who fear him;
he also hears their cry, and saves them.
²⁰ The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy. Ps.145


Perhaps all of creation and humanity have survived not because we are good at rules and order, but because we are ultimately lifted and carried forward, upheld and satisfied by a sacred pattern and rhythm straight from God. I think I wanted that for my children....While everything may indeed tend toward Chaos, it is that unique God designed rhythm and pattern that preserves us.

We struggle to work out who we are and what definition we need at the moment. We are created uniquely by God, given intellect and creativity. While everything else in nature naturally knows only it's order and follows a prescribed path of being a tulip or a butterfly or a frog; we humans have the God given ability to think and choose and maybe because of our free choice to "not follow directions" we put ourselves lost and into the state of being confused.

Our patterns, rhythms, freedom and creativity might just be the best gifts along the path into the very essence of God; and through our experiences with beautiful music, wonderful art, written expression, and any process that deeply touches our hearts, we can catch glimpses. It is the process more that the product that reaches into us.

Our creator God has built into us the ability to search him out. As mom's we can employ, observe and participate in pattern, order, rhythm, freedom, and creativity, but we might best convey God in the experiences.

Believing in Christ is not necessarily the same thing as believing in the Bible. Oswald Chambers sent this message via a reading for May 6th. I am always amazed at how a small truth can come bursting forth to me from the insights of another.

The Bible is the tool that reveals Christ.
How interesting this statement is. I struggle with the Christian witness of others and even my own witness, I hear comments from well meaning prayerful people trying to be on a spiritual journey who say that something isn't biblical...I never quite know where the next part of the statement will go. the Bible is so vast, not one of us no matter how great a scholar can know it all.

We pretend at best when it comes to any of this. Each moment revealed to us by Jesus is our heart truth and often is defies words, Maybe that is why being a disciple is so much work.