I have just checked one thing off my list; When am I ever going to get with it and start a blog.
I have to say I am quite blessed to have many friends, some are tremendously dynamic people and do amazing things. I wonder sometimes if I have done all I am called to do; and at other times I wonder if I have tried to do too much.
My niece called the other evening to ask me a question about teaching reading. I haven't taught a child to read in 30 years. I am reflecting about what a noble thing it is to bring the world of books to another person and the power to break open endless ideas and opinions. I felt a reawakening of excitement just while talking to her and offering a few ideas so she could pull them together and create her own first lesson plan. The experience brought new energy to me, energy to be used how? not just to generate ideas for her, not to go back into teaching, but what is it for? I don't want to waste it and I really don't want to loose it.
My life is changing profoundly, retirement, life in a new location, loss of my routine, loss of my mom, living on savings rather than income; and, I have lost a grip on who I am and how I am me. So where does that leave me?
Rohr would say that you are in the "second half of life" when being is finally more important than doing. I have one foot in the first half of my life and one in the second. I think that's because its hard to let go completely to the certainty of the first half of life, earning money, caring for children, belonging, etc. Life circumstances has dragged me into second-half living or at least trying to pull me there. I am struck by your words, "I have lost a grip on who I am and how I am me." I wonder if you haven't exactly tumbled into who you truly are. You were more than those labels: director, teacher, mother, Lakeway resident. Those were the forms that you took on. You were always waiting in the deep.
ReplyDeleteWell as I am tumbling, I guess I will figure me out.
ReplyDelete