my old life

Sometimes I just want my old life back,
before the house sold and we moved, before retirement.
I think I knew myself better than.

It is very different now, not bad, but very different.
I find myself in spaces where I don't know what I can do.
Why is that?

My choices to sit in a chair, sit on a bed, sit on a couch...
How is this space different from where I was before.

Partly I know it is because it isn't mine. I can't control it.
Outside it is cool not the hot I am used to.
The same 3 pair of jeans rerun over and over
An occasional capri or something long in another fabric...

Who would be grateful for my life.

I ask the Lord to come with me on this journey.
I ask to see the light he has put in my path. I ask to be strong.

Faith and freedom

God is going to take care of us, whether or not we can see down the road. He will not let us walk in darkness and leave us there alone. He will not let us walk to a place and abandon us.

— from Hiking the Camino

So why do I fear this? I am somewhat ashamed to admit it is the peanut gallery that holds me back! Even if only by perceived voices or comments that are playing old tapes in my sub conscious, it can still sometimes make me hesitate or just avoid completely. When I ignore this panel of accusers; believing that God has it all together and will keep me, I falter again and am tempted to question myself forever afterwards.

"Relationships don't thrive because the guilty are punished but because the wounded are merciful. --@MaxLucado"