I guess Lent because it parallels the end of Winter and beginning of Spring is supposed to conspire in making one anticipate renewal. Lent comes with ashes and fasts and abstinence designed to help us get down to our root reflections... our deepest desires. The grass in my yard was cut really short and all the clippings were bagged, no shortcuts for spring yard readiness, to allow the warmer, promised sun to reach the roots and encourage it to begin growing again. I guess I am looking for that sun, that bright moment something that feels like a move forward. I feel so stuck, and ungrateful.
I read this today:
By the grace of God, we cannot quite pull it off. In the quiet moments of the day we sense a nagging within, a discontentment, a hunger for something else. But because we have not solved the riddle of our existence, we assume that something is wrong-not with life, but with us. Everyone else seems to be getting on with things. What's wrong with me?
Gerald May says in the Awakened Heart, We are desire. It is the essence of the human soul, the secret of our existence. Absolutely nothing of human greatness is ever accomplished without it. Desire fuels our search for the life we prize. The same old thing is not enough. It never will be.
So I continue to search out the desire of my heart which is to walk with God and rest with God and watch grass grow with God, if that is what He calls me to do
I love Gerald May and have exerpts of Awakening Heart. I really like that quote. I agree that sometimes it seems like watching grass grow but therecis so much more going on isn't there. It doesn't get revealed to us all at once. Sofi had a heartbreak this week and it's so hard to believe in this culture of instant gratification that this is a long game. Have you read A Long Obedience in the Same Direction by Eugene Peterson? I recommend it. Love you!
ReplyDelete