be true to me....

I am pondering this question , "Is there anything in my life that is a lie?"

Now this is hard for me, because I often wake up, shower, get dressed and make the choice to put on a smile, and a positive attitude and I decide to be happy. My son would argue that if I am pretending to be happy I am lying. I will argue back that I am choosing to be happy. He can't appreciate that I had a huge revelation in the midst of a crisis in my mid 30's; that I can choose to be a grouch , a pessimist or someone who finds fault...or I can choose to smile, be pleasant and see the good in people. I accept that I can choose among these and that it is a choice.

My good day start with being grateful for a new day, not that I am a champion in accomplishing this; but scripture truth often visits the back side of my soul and nudges me toward that which will heal. On those days when I participate in the nudging and thank God for everything even the bad stuff, mean people or the anxiety of moments, I am blessed and lucky because change then starts to happen.

So back to my pondering "is there any part of my life that is a lie?" I suppose there is, simply because I am human, and therefore imperfect. Do I find the lies on my own ? Do I try to correct them or just live with them? May I ask for help? I am choosing at least at this time to ask the Lord's guidance and protection as I move through this search.

I can say I have learned things about my self since the move to town from the lake area. I no longer worry over style and every single piece of my "outfit". ( was I lying to myself before that thinking how I dressed mattered as to how I felt?)

In my new retired life, I have to watch my spending: this means I can't go hang out with friends and sip on 4.00 cups of coffee everyday or even once a week, unless the occasion is special. No more stopping off for a salad ( brown bagging it these days..) No more indiscriminant buying that really cute item. My new life is lists and planning and watching the budget. This is hard for me to learn a new, better habit and not come across as a scrooge. I'm working on it. But is it embedded in a lie.

Now there are 2 adult children living with us. Now that might be one to ponder....